Coffee Shop Confessions

Yesterday I sat in a local coffee shop, catching up with reading and making phone calls, whilst Micah was at nursery and I heard a group of maternity leave first-time mum's (as I like to call them) talking about returning to work.  Clearly they were educated, articulate, professional women who loved their careers, business analysts and analysts etc... as well as mothers who absolutely adored their babies who were all under one.  As they sat in the coffee shop eating lunch and watched their children playing in a lovely play area.  They discussed returning to work, one talked about being able to work from home flexibly and another explained that was not an option where she worked.  All talked about working flexibly and going back to work 3 days a week.  As they discussed their  work and their decisions for post-maternity leave, it took me back to 6 years ago when Joshua was only 10 months old and I had to make that same decision to return to work.  It was never an option for me at that point that I wasn't going to return work, however I had no idea that, that decision in 2010 August to return to work for 3 days a week would be such a pivotal decision that would forever change my life irrevocably.

Many women might say that when they graduated from their degree or entered their profession was the most important day of their lives.  Most of these women would not be mothers.  Whether you choose to return to work full-time and utilise, childminders, nannies, nurseries or au pair or part-time and sharing your childcare between either of the aforementioned or grandparents, sister, partner/husband whatever, once you become a parent your focus from the career that may have consumed you and you develop working mother's guilt.  Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean you don't love your career or job anymore, the passion is still there yet somehow it has changed, it has waned and become diluted by parenthood.  You are consumed with thoughts of your child, especially if they are sick or something has happened and you are not the woman you were previously.

You believe the media hype that women can have it all, and if you decide to return to work flexibly then you believe that you can have the best of both worlds, spending quality-time with a baby you adore and a career that you are passionate about.  The truth it is hard and no one tells you this before you embark upon such a decision.  Very few employers are as flexible as many women need to be when their children are so young.  Furthermore, although you only work three days a week, some how they expectations your managers have of you are still the same with your decreased work week.  The emails still keep coming whether you are there or not and additional you are expected to almost do the same amount of work when you worked 5 days a week.  If like me you don't even get to choose the days you wish to work and you feel like you are forever playing catch up with your work.  Even those 2 days that you have alloted to your precious bundle of joys to visit mother and toddler groups, parks, soft play and coffee mornings are slowly being eroded away as you see emails you need to review before you return to work.  You are drained emotionally from the new triple shift that didn't exist previously (taking care of your little before and after work, as well as your two days with them and also possibly many sleeplessness nights because you little one is still possibly not sleeping through the night as Gabriella O'Rourke reminded me, thus leaving you a physical wreck).  Housework, relationship and work, it can all take it's toll.

I wanted to say to these women. do not go back to work 3 days a week, it will drain you and you will regret there is a better way.  However, there wasn't really an opportunity for me to share this with them, so I thought I would share this with my facebook family instead.

There is a different way of working and being a mother, that can allow you to see all their milestones, like your oldest first steps or their first words, or taking them to their first day at school or play group.  Don't get me wrong, it is an opportunity but it is hard work, but being able to be a hands on mother, even when they throw themselves on the ground like Micah did today, is one of the most phenomenonal experiences and can change your life.  I would never go back to the career lecturer that I was before Joshua was born.

The mumpreneur project: Parenting: The lessons we learn!

The mumpreneur project: Parenting: The lessons we learn!: So unique Being a parent is one of the single most unique, awesome and difficult situations, role or life events you will ever enco...

Parenting: The lessons we learn!

So unique

Being a parent is one of the single most unique, awesome and difficult situations, role or life events you will ever encounter.  It's a paradox, at times it can be both a blessing and a curse.  Such strong perceptions you might think, or "I wouldn't quite say that" you might retort.

Do you need parenting classes?

Let's explain further, for most things such as careers, hobbies, whatever, you do in life, you usually receive a period of preparation, training or do some sort of foundational work to teach you the necessary skills for your occupation, you even have pre-marital counselling.  However, very few people have had parenting classes, have you?  Additionally, people may also feel that parenting classes are only for those who have parented incorrectly.

No parenting manual

You may have heard it said that parenting doesn't come with a manual, whilst others would argue that the bible is our manual for child-rearing.  Indeed this may be the case and additionally there are numerous books such as Gina Ford that have been written about parenting.  However, what parenting has taught me and may have taught you is that children are unique, individual and dynamic little people.  What may work for one of your children, may not work for another one of your children.  There is a no one size fits all formula that you can use to raise children.  

Each child is unique

To be an effective parent you really have to customise your approach and technqiue to each individual child's needs.  Furthermore, with different ages may come different challenges and difficulties I am sure you have heard of the terrible twos and teenagers.  Both stages of childhood, are where children are learning about their individuality, to become more self-aware, independent and are critical of the current mode of parenting.  Thus clearly consistency is important in transforming and discipling children's behaviour.  However it is also important to assess the rationale and the reasons that underlie your children's behaviour, their age and their personality type before dispensing and applying appropriate and constant discipline to your child.  

  

Parenting is as much about you as your children

Moreover, being a parent although an amazing and wonderous experience, especially when you see your children achieving many of their firsts, yet it can have its distinct challenges.  Parenting especially parenting two boisterous boys has taught me so much about myself.  Maybe even things about myself that I would rather not know.  I am sure you too have found the same.  Some suggest that your children are merely miniature versions of you, for some that may be the case.  However you may have also discovered that many children may be directly contrasted and different to you, which makes parenting even more difficult.  Generally, because you don't really understand their rationale or their behaviour, nevertheless, the difference between your child and yourself may create barriers and make your life awkward, agitated and difficult.  Nevertheless these barriers can be overcome and the breach transcended.

Your children will stretch you!

I have often been stretched beyond my capacity, I have felt overwhelmed, inadequate and sometimes question myself.  I have felt unable to think and as if I lacked the necessary skills to tackle the constant crying, tantrums and hysterics (from both the two, as well as the six year old).  I am sure you have felt the same.  Yet somehow through the God that lives in me, I have found the strength, wisdom and creativity to tackle the situation and it has been resolved and the battle has been won.  Being a mother has taught me, so much empathy, patience, resilience and tenacity.  However, sometimes I don't see the skills that motherhood has taught me, nor do I see what I have learnt, what I am currently learning and that I still have so much to learn, nevertheless I do the best I can, I am doing okay and I am a good mother and so are you!

You are phenomenal!

Your children will stretch you, that's their job, they will test you, that's their job, but set your boundaries and rules and consistently apply them; no matter what.  Some battles are harder than others but keep teaching them and standing firm and you win.  Yes you will have dark days and difficulties days, but the lessons you are learning will transform you into the phenomenal person and your children into the phenomenal people they were meant to be.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

Manifesting God's grace

September has been super busy and I have seen some amazing manifestations in the physical of things that I have been praying about. God has reminded me as he often does yesterday, of the fact that we are on a journey and we often go through different seasons and phases. He has also reminded me that whilst I might not always fully know and understand what he is doing I must continue to seek, know and trust that he has my back and it will all work out in the end. 

Be blessed to be a blessing.  


To me I believe October the 10th month of the year will be another amazing time of revelation, encounters, provision, abundance and transformation. So I ask you to share with me, what you are expecting for this month and encourage you to set your intentions for this month, focus on what you want and if you believe in God and the power of prayer. Pray and speak those things into being. Additionally I want to remind you that as you go through the last few months of this year, if you are ready and willing to see some amazing miracles in your life. Re-commit absolutely everything you do completely to God, pray for divine attraction, do you best and watch the manifestation of God in the next few weeks.  

Be blessed to be a blessing

Writing introductions

Your introduction is the first impression your readers will have of your writing.  A good introduction will show them that you know what you're talking about and that you're going to complete the task in question. It will also make them want to carry on reading and feel well disposed to what is to come.

 A bad introduction will have the opposite effect and might even prejudice the reader against the rest of the writing, even if it does improve.

The most common mistakes made by students are:

•  not to include an introduction at all
•  to include an introduction, but one which is unrecognizable as such
•  to include too much background/historical information in the introduction
•  to make the introduction too long.

A good introduction will:

• show that you are going to answer the question or complete the task
•  show that you understand the issues and their implications
•  show how you are going to do this by indicating the structure of your answer 
• and making clear the main areas that you are going to write about (your plan).
•  show evidence that you know key studies by making reference to your sources and be totally relevant.

You want the examiners, to say to themselves "Good! This student has understood the question, has revised and is going to answer the question set, not another one. Let's read on!"

It might be useful for you to think of your introduction as a film trailer, not everything in the movie but the best bits to wet the reader’s appetite.

So more specifically, how do you do this?

 include a "topic sentence" which indicates the main thrust of your answer.

Some would suggest that an introduction should begin as follows for example:

This essay deals with the economic and political decline in Britain's world role.

This assignment will examine Britain's peculiar unwritten constitution.


However, I would argue that the examiner knows they are reading an essay so it

might be more useful to start by focusing on the question, the key factors you

are going to explore.  Then suggest which factor is the most significant and why

(thus make your judgement).


 use the same, or very similar, wording as in the question. If part of the

question is "Discuss recent developments in communication technology"

then in your introduction say something like "This essay will consider

recent developments in the field of communication technology and will ...

". Don't leave any room for doubt.

 Or The main reason why Stalin was able to rise to power after the death

of Lenin, was because he was the best politician for the job. Additionally…

 Highlight the main themes to be discussed and briefly refer to them then

make your judgement.

 The importance of introductions (and conclusions) cannot be stressed too

much.

Here are some examples of good (and bad!) introductions.

Example introductions

Imagine you are studying the mass media as part of your course and you have

been set the following essay title:


Examine the sociological evidence of stereotypes of social groups in the mass 

media. What are the causes of stereotyping in the mass media and to what 

extent do they influence social attitudes?

Word limit: 2000 words

Read the following examples and decide which meet the criteria for a good

introduction.

Example 1

As we all know, Britain is a multicultural society. In the 1960s many thousands

of immigrants came to the country, mostly setting up home in the major cities.

The majority of these immigrants came from the West Indies, India and

Pakistan and Hong Kong. Racism has always been a problem, with the various

groups of immigrants seen as stereotypes, although over the years there has

been increasing integration into British society, particularly by the children of

immigrant families. This is reflected in the mass media. Twenty years ago black

people were rarely seen on television and very few held jobs in the press.

However, nowadays, more and more black people work as journalists and are

thus able to look at events from a different perspective.

Your comments: 

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

________

___________________________________________________________

Example 2

Stereotypes are everywhere: the reserved British, the disorganised Italians, the shopping-obsessed Japanese. This essay will talk about these stereotypes and ask if they are true. It is going to look at the different types of  stereotypes and their representation in the media. The following areas will be covered: television; radio; the press, and the cinema. I will particularly look at television and ask the question "Does television reinforce these stereotypes?"

Your comments:

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

_______________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Example 3

Stereotypes abound in today's society. People seem to have an innate compulsion to categorise others into various groups and then to apply rigid and limited descriptions to these groups. There are therefore, amongst others, stereotypical nationalities and races; stereotypical sexes and sexual orientations and stereotypical classes. And one place where these stereotypes often thrive is in the mass media, particularly in the tabloid press and popular television, such as in situation comedy. Some, for example Hick (1996), claim
that this is a harmless phenomenon, whereas commentators such as Ealham (1998) point to the possible dangers of obsessive stereotyping in the media.

This essay will examine what sociological evidence there is for the process of stereotyping in the mass media, and will then go on to analyse the reasons for its occurrence. The final part of the essay will ask how far society's attitudes are in fact shaped by this portrayal of the various kinds of stereotypes.

Your comments:

___________________________________________________________

____________

Introduction 1

Your tutor would read an introduction like this with a great sense of foreboding. There's no real problem with the actual English, but the writer shows no indication whatsoever of answering the question. The word 'stereotype' has been picked up on, and narrowly interpreted as meaning racial stereotype. But even then there is no attempt to focus on the actual question, and most of what is said is irrelevant. Probably a fail.

Introduction 2

Too short for a start, and not very well written (inconsistency of tenses: will/going to) No attempt to put the question into some sort of context, to get the reader interested in what's to come. At first, it looks as if stereotypes are being interpreted simply as national stereotypes and also the writer goes off on
the wrong tack: the question does not ask for a simple description nor asks
about the validity of these stereotypes. The last part of the introduction,
however, does indicate that the last part of the question will be addressed. If the writer manages to focus more on the actual question, the essay might just scrape a pass.


Introduction 3

This is a very good introduction. It's about the right length (c8%); gives a little relevant background and context, indicating that the writer has thought about what a stereotype is in its broadest interpretation; makes some initialreferences to sources; and finally focuses precisely on the question, showing
the reader that it has been fully understood and that it will be answered. Note that the wording of the final part of the introduction is very close to that of the question. If the essay follows in the same vein, it should get an excellent mark.

Do you know your value?

I recently shared two videos entitled the blessing of singleness part 1 and part 2, although the video itself was primary aimed at single Christian women I realised that it was actually aimed at more than just this group.  It was aimed at married Christian women and at women in general also.

As someone who has spent most of my life within the church, I am aware of the pressure that Christian women over a certain age experience when it comes to singlehood.  It's as if whilst you are in your 20s you are fine, and everything is okay but once you head towards 29 or 30, every sister in church or family member who are Christians become concerned and worried about your marital status, suddenly your singlehood and lack of marriage proposals becomes a problem.  It's as if you are no longer a valuable member of society, because no one has asked you to marry them and their is no ring on your finger.

As Christians you should be ashamed of the way you treat the single members of your church and community, especially the women and the pressure we place upon them to find an eligible partner and quick.  The constant questions that are levied at these people are unacceptable and rude and where have you found support in the scriptures to treat people in this way?  True the rudeness and insensitivity may not be a conscious effort at suggesting to the individual that they are not valuable as a individual or that they are not making a significant contribution to church life on their own.  Nevertheless, whether intentional or not the impact is still the same.

You should always endeveaour to value and esteem your fellow brethern whether single or married, you should show them the respect they desire and deserve and most importantly you should value them as a person.

Additionally as a single person, never sell yourself short.  Never settle for less than your desire or devalue yourself.  Recognise who you are in the Kingdom of God, many in the bible who did great works for God such as Paul or Jesus, were single themselves.

There is a blessing to singleness and it has a special role and contribution that should be encouraged and nurtured.  I know that there was much growth and development of my spirituality and personhood during my single years and the Lord taught me so many amazing lesson and provide for me in phenomenal and amazing ways.  He will do the same for you too.  I am so grateful for that inspirational and amazing time of my life.  He taught me so much about myself and who I really was in his eyes.  He taught to love myself, really love myself. not in a pompous or egoistically way.  He taught me to value who I was as a person, to enjoy and appreciate my personhold.   I knew myself and most importantly I learnt I was complete in Christ and that if and when I got married I would enter the relationship as a whole person, who would compliment someone else but not complete them.  I knew what I was bringing to the table and the value I had and that if I did marry one day, that man would be very blessed to have me as his wife.  Prayer for you today, is that you too will know the same.

Nevertheless, the constant question about my singlehood did irriate me, but eventually I began to ignore the insensitive questions, that one aunt in particular liked to ask.

My single sister whether Christian or not, I want you to always remember and know you value, you are worth more than rubies and diamonds.  You are awesome and amazing, created with passion and for a purpose.  You are phenomenal, you do not need a man to complete you and when you do have one he must appreciate your worth and recognise the rare gift he has been given in you.

Be blessed to be a blessing.

Work life balance - take time for you!

You may have decided to become an entrepreneur or run your own business, so that you can have an amazing work life balance, I know I did.  You love what you do and are committed to your business, your calling has become your vocation and you are filled with passion and excitement for what you do.

Being with the children
Additionally, you also love being able to drop or pick up your kids up from school.  Make pizzas with your children, as I will be doing later and just generally interacting and engaging with them during daytime hours and enjoy being their parents.

How to balance it all?
However, sometimes it is difficult to strike a healthy work life, balance with all the pressure you may experience as a woman.  Wanting to be there for your children, to really invest in their lives.  Yet also wanting to create the most successful and dynamic business for yourself and others.  Wanting to create a business, were you impact and transform the lives of others, supporting them in creating the lives of their dreams.

Nourishing yourself spiritually and physically
My life lesson this week and a discussion I had with one of my client's this week was about striking an effective work life balance between being yourself, a parent/wife and running your own business.   As well as factoring in time for developing, growing and marketing your business, and working with your clients.   Time for being a mother and wife/partner and it is still important to include time for yourself.  You cannot avoid nurturing and nourishing yourself both spiritually; through meditation or prayer and physically; through exercise and spa treatments etc...  Otherwise you will have found that you have merely swapped being married to a job, to being married to your business.   Yes you may have to work hard in the early years, however, how can you serve others, when you are empty yourself.

Take time for you and you will find yourself even more effective in your life transition, less overwhelmed and living an amazing journey.

You are the best and deserve the best.

Be blessed to be a blessing!