Work life balance - take time for you!

You may have decided to become an entrepreneur or run your own business, so that you can have an amazing work life balance, I know I did.  You love what you do and are committed to your business, your calling has become your vocation and you are filled with passion and excitement for what you do.

Being with the children
Additionally, you also love being able to drop or pick up your kids up from school.  Make pizzas with your children, as I will be doing later and just generally interacting and engaging with them during daytime hours and enjoy being their parents.

How to balance it all?
However, sometimes it is difficult to strike a healthy work life, balance with all the pressure you may experience as a woman.  Wanting to be there for your children, to really invest in their lives.  Yet also wanting to create the most successful and dynamic business for yourself and others.  Wanting to create a business, were you impact and transform the lives of others, supporting them in creating the lives of their dreams.

Nourishing yourself spiritually and physically
My life lesson this week and a discussion I had with one of my client's this week was about striking an effective work life balance between being yourself, a parent/wife and running your own business.   As well as factoring in time for developing, growing and marketing your business, and working with your clients.   Time for being a mother and wife/partner and it is still important to include time for yourself.  You cannot avoid nurturing and nourishing yourself both spiritually; through meditation or prayer and physically; through exercise and spa treatments etc...  Otherwise you will have found that you have merely swapped being married to a job, to being married to your business.   Yes you may have to work hard in the early years, however, how can you serve others, when you are empty yourself.

Take time for you and you will find yourself even more effective in your life transition, less overwhelmed and living an amazing journey.

You are the best and deserve the best.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

Nobody tells you how hard it is!

Today's blog is less about transformational strategies and more about encouraging all the mums out there like myself doing the best they can, but surprised about all the hard work that is involved in being a parent.  My husband has this philosophy that the only difficult stage of parenting is raising teenagers.   I disagree I think every age, has it's difficulties and issues, whether it be babies, preschoolers, infant or juniors, pre-teenagers and teens.  You have probably found the same and may even find yourself bemoaning, "Nobody told me how hard it was before I had children!", a friend who has 6 year old twins and I recently had this discussion. No, they never do.

I have a 2 and almost 6 year old and they both have the capacity to fill your heart with warmth at times or leave you tearing your hair out and shouting. I am sure you have found the same, but I am sure you don't ever shout.   Mums with older children and far more wisdom than me, have suggested that shouting is a waste of my energy and time; maybe deep down inside I know they are right, but sometimes it's frustrating when I talk to my children and they just completely ignore me. Additionally, they are boys and I have been told that it's a masculine thing. Not sure if that is true or not. So let's be honest with each other, motherhood is hard, I am sure sometimes, you find it hard too. Nevertheless, strangers may look at your children with judgement and disdaint, I have had strangers ask me if my child was on a tag because, he was playing with a metal chain near the bus stop. I was like really, really now do you want me to forget the educational training I have had and dignify that with an answer. I guess you can tell I wasn't very happy that day, and I am not sure how you would have responded?

For mums dealing their children, it is not easy, being a parent doesn't come with a manual and nobody told you how hard it would be, but I just wanted to let you know that you are the most amazing mum ever. You are doing an awesome job, your kids value you completely and you are raising dynamic and individuals that will make an impact on the society around themselves. Don't be so hard on yourself, value and celebrate your achievements and most importantly don't judge yourself by the standards of others. You have no idea what is going on in the other person's life.

Finally I salute all the mothers reading this post, you are marvellous and be proud of your achievements.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

40s and loving it!

I have recently joined a 40+ group on facebook and have also been talking to some friends who are either almost 40 or in their 40s. The mixed responses from these women have been insightful and varied. I am sure if you are over 35, you may have found the same. You may have friends who are in their 30s, who face the thought of turning 40, with fear and upset; complaining that they are getting old. I think your only as old as you feel, how old do you feel today? Don't get me wrong, we all have days when we feel tired, but I don't think 40 is as old as it was, when you were a child and those over 35 were referred to, as middle-aged.

Some women respond to turning 40 with amazing midlife transitions, they train for a marathon, travel the world, decide to have children or decide to change their careers. Are you one of these women? Or would you like to be?

My friend and I were discussing the wisdom of 40. The conversation went something like this. "In your twenties you are trying to work out who you are. In your thirties, you've grown up and are establishing who you are. By the forties you've fallen in love with who you are, and your pretty secure in yourself".

I love being over 40 and I am sure you feel the same, for me the saying that life begins at 40 is so true. I am sure the same is true for many of you? If it isn't for you then, there is still time for change. 40 has a vitality and freedom from the opinion of others that was not always so clear in our earlier years. You are old enough to have a level of wisdom that wasn't there in your 20s, yet young enough to take on new challenges and transform your life, into the life you desire.

Be blessed to be a blessing

Sharing and Collaboration

My husband recently asked "Was I walking in God's purpose for my life?". My response was "Yes" So he asked me "What is your purpose?" and "To share", I explained. "Share what?" He queried and I replied "Whatever God has placed on my heart". I think, he found my answer perplexing and didn't understand.    

Since then, an incredible and astonishing thing happened. A conversation with an inspirational friend, refined my focus and I discovered more clarity about what my sharing meant. I had shared the uplifting, unique and inspirational music of a friend without even thinking about it, and today I shared another friend's awesome writing talent.

For a long time I have known that part of my purpose has been to share and encourage others especially those of faith and women in particular. Too often you may suffer and struggle with issues in your lives in silence. Whether as Christians or just as women you may find you feel, you are not good enough to achieve your dreams.  Someone during your journey has shattered your self-confidence and your ability to truly believe in your own greatness. It could be a teacher, a parent, a relative, a friend or even a work colleague. It doesn't matter who stripped your dreams away from you. They had no right to, and even more than that they lied to you, they were wrong. 

You are all the things you thought you were and then some more. You were created with greatness within you, you are like a butterfly, amazing, creative, beautiful and a dynamic individual. You are unique, you are not a replica, there is no one else on this entire planet like you. You are like a butterfly, know that no one else can do what you do or how you do it. Also know that you were created with a unique and awe-inspiring purpose.

We touch and influence each others lives in some shape whether knowingly or unknowingly. Or even possibly through the 6 degrees of separation theory.

So I encourage you from today onwards, to actively and openly encourage those around you. To share your story and truth with those around you. Empower those around you to live their best lives and be the best version of themselves.

As I share my journey with you all, I encourage you to share your own. I believe we all have the power to live amazing and extraordinary lives, we just need to be that first.

As a transformational strategist consultant, my role is to support women in living their best lives. Especially if these women are unsure of what their next steps should be, as they transition from living their current lives to designing the lives they want.  

Be blessed to be a blessing

He has called me to be brave and courageous!

I have never really thought of myself as brave, but I am learning to be brave.  I am learning to come out of my comfort zone.  I am learning that the thing that I fear the most, only has the power over me that I give it.  I am learning that I am so much more able than I recognised.  I am learning that when I commit my ways  to God and acknowledge him, he will direct my paths.  I have never seen myself as a leader but I am learning to lead.

Being a mother of two young sons and running my three businesses has taught me lessons that I am forever grateful for, I am not the woman I once was and am constantly learning and evolving and learning to be the woman God wants me to be.

Sometimes the opinions and views of others make me question and second guess my passion and my purpose.  Whilst these comments are often genuine and well meaning.  However, the Lord God has reminded me that the real approval that I need to seek in this life, is from God.  Also this life has no rehearsals and so should be lived and enjoyed in the present as Wendy Curran has reminded me of, with the recent death of Dr. Wayne Dyer.

A few weeks ago, I talked to women who changed their careers and they have reminded me of how important it is to be fearless.  I don't know if my story is unique to me or others understand my experiences, but I am learning that as I consult and am coached, that I develop, evolve, change and transform as much as my clients do.  I am learning to face my fears and limitations and not be intimidated by them but to actually face them head on, challenge, conqueror them and rise above them.

As I lay the foundation for Transformational Woman and Be the Change you want to see, I am developing a new awareness, especially as a Christian woman, I need to lay my foundation on my faith in God and commit what I do to him. Abby Elitzky-Kuin and my husband have reminded and reaffirmed this for me, that I need to be transparent, genuine and authentic.  I may not always be glamorous, not being glamorous doesn't prevent me from professional.  Moreover, my mission isn't about glamour.  It's about supporting women in transition, as they seek to transform their lives, to live the best and most authentic version of their lives.  Women like me who may juggle a variety of roles, motherhood is amazing but they also know that they have other gifts they need to share with the world as well.  They demonstrate that we all have struggles but these actually develop a richness and empathy within us.  A vision of what you want is where you begin and developing strategies and techniques to support you on your journey and taking incremental steps supports you as your transition and transform your life into the life of your dreams.

Each of us is an individual with their own passion and purpose, I believe that when we walk in our passion and purpose, often this is blessed and anointed by the Creator.  However, that doesn't mean we don't have to invest in ourselves or commit and develop and nurture our craft and what we do, of course we must. That's where and how our gift is developed, nurtured and honed.

The most high is revealing and showing me that how I see myself, is not how he sees me.  To him I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I am learning that I am enough just as I am to support and encourage women on their journeys to transition and transformation, for I can only be who I am and nothing more.  Many may not be attracted to my message, but others will and they are my tribe.

My vision and my brand is based on my message, my content, for me it's about substance over style. Transparency, integrity and an ability to care, listen and provide an excellent and authentic service which will facilitate and support real change and transformation in the lives of women.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

Our journey shapes us!

Today I read on Facebook that Andy and Beckie Harrington, loss their son Ashton the day before he was born.  My heart goes out to them both and my prayers are with them both, during this time of loss.  There is nothing that I can really say to make it any better for them, but as they turn to each other, they will strengthen each other during this time of mourning and healing.

Moreover, my heart is so touched by these events because I too have walked the road the Harrington's now tread.   I was also a member of the Professional Speaker's Academy, so there is a connection for me too.  When I heard about the stories of Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan pregnancy and their previous miscarriages my heart was touched.  However, I didn't know how to share my story.  I spoke to my coach and she felt she wasn't sure how I could link what happened to me to what I do exactly.

I believe that we must be authentic and transparent, sometimes we need to share our life experiences just so we can allow others to really understand our experiences and what makes us who we are.

I have been married for 9 nine years, and my eldest son will be 6 in October.  Every year from September 2006 to October 2009, I was pregnant.  Before the birth of my first son, I had three miscarriages, two early at six and five weeks.   One late at between sixteen and twenty weeks.

I had gone past the 12 week period, felt that the baby was safe and was obviously showing that I was pregnant, many of my work colleagues, friends and church members knew.  It was not a secret, Our scan was scheduled late for some reasons and when we went for the scan it was explained to us that the baby's heart was no longer beating and he had died.  It was as if all the breath in my body had left me, had been knocked out of me and I had stopped breathing.  I refused to accept what I was told, I could not accept what I was told.  I had, had a miscarriage before, when you lose your baby you bleed, there was no blood.  I went for another scan at another hospital.  I prayed like I had never prayed before in my life, my God was a God of miracles, I knew he could resurrect the dead, this baby could live, this baby had to live; this baby must live.

I was growing, I was showing, I had a life growing inside, how could he have died and I not have  known.  I had not yet felt this baby kick, but because my first pregnancy had ended much earlier I didn't realised that I should have felt it kick at that stage.  I went for another scan and the response was the same.

The loss of Heaven was a real test of my faith, I had no answers for why this had happened to me.  As as friend had said to me previously, I had done everything right, I was married and then tried to have children.  Yet I kept losing them, no one else in my family had a history of miscarriage as far as I knew at that time.  Why, why, why, everything seemed to be going so well.  Eight years later and even after tests on me and the baby, there was no medical reason they could give us why.  I have no answers to the questions that often plague us, when we suffer loss.

Furthermore, I was completely and utterly devastated and an appointment was booked for me to be induced in a few days.  When you experience a loss in this way everything is surreal for a season, you feel as if you could pinch yourself and wake up and discover it was an awful nightmare.  People especially within the black and Christian community, try to say things which in their mind are comforting.  Unfortunately, whatever they say always comes out wrong.  For me, it wasn't what people said that helped, it was just that they were willing to be there for you.

My husband struggled to really talk about the loss of Heaven and I think it made it really hard for me to grieve properly.  However I did have counselling and read as much as I could about late miscarriages, ultimately in the end this helped me on my journey to recovery, however it wasn't an easy journey; but it took determination and being real about what I felt.  Additionally it is a healing process, you have lost a child, no matter how young that child maybe and you must grieve the loss of your child,

My late miscarriage, meant I had to go into hospital, to be induced and give birth to Heaven (as we called him).  It was around the time when Madeline McCann went missing, so this time in my life has been indelibly etched on my brain.  Additionally I had two other friends who were pregnant at the time.  Moreover I was also placed on a maternity ward, and a health care assistant after the procedure thought I was still pregnant and said completely the wrong thing and cause even more emotional turmoil. I was given the pills to induce me at 12 pm and baby heaven was born at 9 pm in the evening, I didn't realise it was labour and almost gave birth to him in the toilet.  However, my agony was far from over, we waited all night but the afterbirth did not come out, so at 9 am; after the doctor tried to remove it manually but failed, I was given an epidural and sent to to surgery for a D and C.

Later on that morning I was shown baby heaven, he was tiny, but so perfectly precious and perfectly formed, he was a little boy.  I am grateful for being able to touch him and say good bye via the the funeral.  However, it took me a long time to heal, I redeveloped my love of writing through this painful experience as it was a cathartic.  I think every individual who loses a child experiences it differently, because every circumstance is different.  People rarely talk about such experiences, I am not sure why but for me I need to talk about my experiences, it was necessary and healing for me.  As I said earlier my husband dealt with it very differently.

For a season I questioned whether I would ever have children, as I experienced loss after loss.   This was one of the hardest periods of my life.   However 8 years later my life is very different and I am now a mother of two sons.  I have no rationale or reason or understanding why I loss three children, before I went onto to have two healthy sons. While time may heal the rawness of the pain that we experience with the loss of a child.  This child is never forgotten, and may be rarely spoken about long after the event, but will always remains in your heart, as a warm and tender memory of a person who shared your body and heart for a season. Who will always be loved by you.

I like to think of "Heaven", as waiting in Heaven to be reunited with his parents and siblings and I never forget the loss of this beautiful little boy who looked so much like my husband and who I was privileged to carry for a season.  Let's not hide the loss, the suffering or the pain we encounter, let's share the impact it has had on our lives and encourage others who unfortunately must take this journey.  You will never forget or get over the loss of a child, they were part of you and are no longer here.  However, in time you will heal and be able to support others in the journey, with empathy and a genuine heart of compassion and comfort.

You have walked the path and know the pain and loss, but nevertheless this child was a precious gift that you will never forget and for a short time had an amazing impact on your life and remains in your heart as a warm memory of special someone who you were allowed to nurture and love for a season.

Again I am so sorry for your loss, but your pain will be a story that you use to empower others and strengthen them on their journey through the trials of life.

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/leaflets/Late-Miscarriage.pdf

Hello I am a transformational strategist!

I had a really interesting conversation with a good friend the other day who questioned the need for a transformational strategist, well actually two friends and one challenged the utility of a life coach.



My conversations with these women, made me really question my objectives and mission statement as a transformational strategist.  These conversations were  powerful and instrumental in supporting my clarification of my aims, objectives and outcomes.

I understand the fact that many women in transition might go to a business coach, as was suggested.  However, my rebuttal and disclaimer, was that although transition and transformation in the life of a 30-50 something female professional might mean a transition into running her own business, hence the need for a business coach.  This was not an imperative, the 30s-50s is one of the busy times of a woman's life, hence I feel that a woman may go through innumerable changes during this timeframe.  Any of these major shifts in our lifestyles could become a focal point of transition such as parenthood, loss of a child, purchasing a home, becoming more heart centred,  returning to education, redundancy and empty nest syndrome.

Moreover, if any of these factors meant that a woman let's call her "Naomi" was in transition and knew that she was no longer happy with the life she was living, she knew she needed to enact some major shifts in her  life and do something different, to become who she felt she really was. Would she turn to a business coach or a transformational strategist , what do you think?




Do you ever wonder when you fell out of love with your career? Well, I help women who have fallen out of love with their career? Or do you ever wonder when your life or educational achievements failed to reflect yours aspirations? Well I help women create the life they aspire to.

When I decided to leave the teaching profession after a decade of being a teacher, I used a life coach and she supported me in reconnecting with who I really was  again, as within education  one can sometimes experience a sense of loss of self and identity, as your self-concept becomes embedded in the role of a teacher, the same can also be said for working in the NHS or the public sector.

My life coach assisted me in assessing and clarifying what my next steps were.  It was phenomenal, she changed my life, the fact that I had trained as a life coached three years previously and had read various self-development books, was also useful a useful bonus.  Had a transformational strategist existed back then, I am sure I would have used one.    The same can be applied to my transition from private tuition to a transformational strategist I used a creative coach to assist me in my transition.

When we embark on a new journey, we may need support as we transition and transform, this may take the role of a strategist, consultant or accountability partner and a  transformational strategist includes all these roles, it is  about supporting you, encouraging and assisting you on your journey of transformation because you are phenomenal and deserve to live your best life and is just waiting for you to start your journey.

Be blessed to be a blessing!