The mumpreneur project: Raising Boys

The mumpreneur project: Raising Boys: I find being a mother one of the hardest jobs in the world I have ever had to do, people constantly tell me it gets easier.  However it'...

Raising Boys

I find being a mother one of the hardest jobs in the world I have ever had to do, people constantly tell me it gets easier.  However it's been almost 6 years and whilst I may now be able to sleep at night; it hasn't got easier yet for me the challenges just change and new strategies and techniques are constantly necessary to manage the behaviour of the almost 6 and 2 year old

Today I had a really interesting conversation over a hot chocolate with a few other mums about our 5 year old sons, their reception reports and open evening.

It was really encouraging and I am so glad I took the time to sit and talk to them.  I find sometimes I think that I am the only one struggling with my small boys and that everyone else's children are perfect, they always listen to their mums and their children and gorgeous little angels.  Clearly that is not the case and unrealistic, but my imagination does like to run away with itself at times.  During those events I wonder why I can never get anything, why I can't get my 5 and 2 year olds to listen to me.  Also whether I need to do a clown training course or wear a minions costume to keep them from getting bored and get them to follow instructions.

As women we can sometimes but so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect parents and constantly question, whether our parenting skills are perfect.  At the end of the day, each child is different and may require different skills and techniques to ensure they live their best lives possible.  Some children are shy, other children are loud, some or quiet and others are boisterous, for each child we may need a different skills set and strategies to bring out the best in our child.  Their is no perfect parenting technique, all we can do is our best and customised our strategies to suit the personality and characteristics of the individual child.  Each child may reach the required milestones at different times and not always at the set times that educational experts claim they will.  However our children will learn the things they need to learn in time and all we can do is our best as we support them on their journey through life, to independence and become confident and phenomenal people one day.

Nevertheless, the crux of the matter is that 5 year old and even 8 year old boys (probably a 2 year old) struggle to not to touch things and they struggle to concentrate for any period of time and their default mode is to fidget.  Hence the problematic bus journey experience on the way home and to school.

However this conservation reminded me that our role as parents is to support and encourage our sons to the best of our abilities.  To focus and really praise their strengths, rather constantly reprimanding them for their problems and difficulties.  When I praise and encourage my son he is almost like a flower, he smiles and he seems to open up and thrive.  When I criticise him and tell him off, the response is not so great.

Moreover, because my son seems to have the attention span of a gnat, I am increasingly beginning to think that education is not specifically tailored for boys and more suited to needs and the energy and focus of girls.  Girls energies are to sit, discuss and listen, however boys are extremely active and boisterous and seem to need to be constantly on the go.  Additionally, they do seem to struggle to express themselves at the time and often choose not to say anything rather than explain something to you. 

I also read an article which I just shared earlier which served to confirm this point further.

My son has an obsession with running all them time and to no where particular.  My son needs to be constantly entertained and staying in his seat is very difficult for him, he also like to touch things.   When I say thinks I mean any thing, plants, trees, insects, leaves, walls, rubbish people have put on the floor just anything.  Another parent has suggested getting a stress ball so he can touch that instead.  

I am also going to do research on concentration exercises and discuss why he can play on the tablet for hours and not focus on the bus for 5 minutes. 

However, this morning's conversation and the article I read earlier and attached has enabled me to now recognise that is part of his DNA and although I might consistently attempt to curb it, because that is who he is and how he expresses himself I need to tackle these issues differently.

Thus, encourage the daily running that is so essential and necessary from him, however makes it difficult to walk down a road, without getting in the way of others.  Encourage the running in a more structured and daily routine way, everyday go to the park and race with his little brother for 10 minutes, whether before or after school.

Additionally rather than getting angry and shouting, when my son is being naughty or not leaving the house on time, touching everything he can find and not walking with me so we can go to school.  Trying to run off and walk on his own.  Giving him more time to get ready, and not rushing the whole leaving the house process.  Leaving the house extra early and getting up early so he can dither as much as he wants.  When I loose my patience trying the technique posted in the earlier article of leaving the room and screaming into a pillow in another room.

I have found strategies for the bus, you tube; but these are some of the strategies for the journey from home to the bus stop, from the bus stop to school and back again.  

Regarding the concentration exercise... I need to do some more research on that.

So if you are a mother raising boys, yes it is definitely hard work, because of their boisterousness and high  energy, but be encouraged that there are strategies which can support you and begin to see their world from their perspective.

Be blessed to be a blessing
We can do this

What makes me awesome?

Life Lesson 23: What makes me awesome?

When a friend recently asked me this question, I have to be honest initially I was like “I was not awesome”, was that false humility or genuine belief, in retrospect I think it was a little bit of both.  Anyways I thought further about her question and what my answer was and this is what I came up with.  Sometimes as Christian it may be difficult for us to accept our awesome-ness especially because the bible causes us to be humble.  Nevertheless, if we analysis the bible further, we begin to recognise the view and vision that God has of us, is rarely the way in which we perceive ourselves.  Because God knows the plans he has for us and the destiny he has given us, he sees us walking and living that destiny even though it may not yet be our reality.  Additionally, we can re-program our brains to accept that reality also, if we believe something enough, visualize, develop strategies and walk in that reality, our brains will accept it as the truth.  They accept the reality we create, focus and work towards it enough and rewire our neural pathways.  Cognitive psychologists believe that if we rehearsal something enough, we begin to retain this thing.

So I come back to my question, what makes we awesome?

My strength is that I am real, authentic and genuine, if you know me on Facebook, you know me, because the me in the non-online world is the same.  I don’t put on any airs and graces; I try to be transparent.  A spade is a spade in my book.  I am flawed and have self-doubt.  Additionally, when I put my mind to anything and pray on it, the Lord has used me to do amazing things.  I am no different to anyone else, I am just an ordinary sister, but God has taught me if I trust him and do my best, he makes me amazing and awesome.

I know that the same can be your reality too.

Be blessed to be a blessing!

Be as generous as your child.

Last week my eldest filled our basket with food items from the food collection shopping list to help feed people in need. He was so shocked by the fact that some people didn't have food. He also felt he should put money in the collection container. I pray his spirit of generosity continues. Too many times I focus on the fact that he doesn't sit down in his seat on the bus. However, the past 4 days has reminded me how awesome, generous and brave our children are and how much we can actually learn from them

Share a little of what you have with others, be like your children, they are considered by the needs of others and we should be too.


Be blessed to be a blessing!

Fear is Learnt, so let's learn to be fearless instead!

Fear is learnt, so if you want to live a fearless, successful and dynamic life. Watch your children play, they will teach you amazing and challenging lessons about how we do life, tackle difficulties and face our fears. If you agree like or leave a comment

 

So let's be inspired by our children, to face new challenges, difficulties and problems with a can do attitude, rather than a can't do attitude.  Let's face our problems head on, rather than running away from them or trying to avoid them. Let's have a childlike attitude of faith, that we can do this and that it will all be okay in the end.  We might stumble and fall initially and even need a little helping hand or support at the start, however once we find our feet, we will be amazed at how quickly we learn to fly and find the impossible is an option we don't have to accept.

So whenever we encounter new challenges, let's remember our children at play and take on any new challenges with a positive attitude, ready to learn that we have wings and can fly.

Be blessed to be a blessing